GIFs ahead!A dueling search for a pocket watch once owned by General Robert E. Lee brings Major Brian Payne, "The Specialist," and ex-Army hottie Emma Langsford together at a cozy Gettysburg Inn. Emma's in it for the money. Payne's in it because he owes a favor to the guy who got him out of the military. Both will stop at nothing, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING - short of sex, that is - to best the other in this battle of wits. Too bad Payne's got a gigantic Specialist in his pants that makes him vulnerable to Emma's hot body. Will this not-very-exciting search for a fictional piece of history bring these two together for good or tear them apart before they have a chance at more than a week of sexy sexytimes?
In the Beginning: An Illustration of the Plot
Anything you can do, I can do better. Bitch.
Emma is surprisingly not annoying in this story, so I enjoyed the first third of the book in which she bests Payne at every turn. I like a clever lady in my romance. Also, Emma isn't ashamed by the sexy feelings she's feeling for Payne. This is one slut who WON'T be shamed for having a fully operational sex drive. Good for her.
Payne is a big, fat bore with a gigantic dong. That's about all I have to say about him. For a guy named "The Specialist," he is very easily tricked by Emma. And even when he's supposed to be doing something CLEVER and TOTES MILITARY BADASS-LIKE, it's still kind of lame. Payne isn't particularly charming, nor is he an easily mockable asshat. He's just kind of bland. But since this is a Blaze, he can fuck a woman like a goddamn stallion with a magical ability to read the Kama Sutra. Sadly, I think that's supposed to be what makes Payne interesting.
So, I just trudged through the short number of pages of under-developed plot and thought, "I iz not interested."
I would have bailed like this kitteh, but the ebook is only, like, 130 pages. My pride would not allow me to stop.
While the Robert E. Lee pocket watch plot wasn't compelling in the slightest, I did get a few chuckles out of the sex. Perhaps this means I'm immature, but a raptor's gotta get her chuckles one way or another. So, now I bring to you three LOL-TEHSEX! quotes. Just keep in mind that these two rutting fools are supposed to be the hottest, most well-endowed people EVER.
Quote #1 - Emma's got a party going on ... DOWN THERE.
Her feminine muscles clenched, coating her folds with hot joy juice ... (Page 81)
I wonder if they serve "hot joy juice" for breakfast at their quaint little Gettysburg inn, or if they have to pay extra to have it delivered to their room.
Quote #2 - Payne has quite a way with words.
She was still affected by him, much the same way he was by her, and he hadn't imagined or dreamed the wild, fantastic gorilla sex they'd just had. (Page 87)
What I wouldn't give for an appropriate gorilla GIF.
Quote #3 - Apparently, Payne has an actual firearm where his peen should be.
Her body suddenly went rigid and she clamped around him over and over again, triggering his own orgasm.
It blasted from his loins with enough force to blow the end out the condom, but at the moment he didn't give a damn. (Page 96)
After I stopped laughing at this, I thought, "Eek! Pregnancy! STDs!" But no, young padawans. This is Harlequin BLAZE, not Harlequin Presents. Apparently, contraceptive malfunctions are treated with the same fairy tale inspired nothing bad will happen hand as multiple orgasms and the ability to fall in love with a complete stranger in less than a week.
Ah, only a Harlequin ...
